Sibling rivalry in older children

Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry in older children.

We can’t all get on all of the time – it’s natural for your children to argue and fall out with each other. The relationship children have with their siblings can help to map out the way they will socialise and deal with disagreements when they grow up.

One of the reasons brothers and sisters find it hard to get on, is because of differences in age that mean they are at different stages in their development and are interested in activities relating to that.

Introduce activities and days out that all age groups can participate in, such as a trip to the park – younger children can play on swings whilst the older ones may want to kick a ball about. This means that no one is getting left behind and there’s no cause for resentment.

Encourage the older sibling to help their younger brother or sister, such as with a game or by building something together, this can make the older child feel important and a special part of their younger siblings’ life.

Sometimes younger children feel jealous that their elder brother or sister is allowed to do things that they aren’t – such as having a later bedtime or staying out with their friends for longer. Explain that they will be able to enjoy the same privileges as they get older. Point out the advantages of being young – such as they don’t have to help around the house as much as their older brother or sister does.

Parentline Plus tips on coping with sibling rivalry

• Don’t rush to stop an argument – let them sort out their disagreements themselves. Obviously if it gets out of hand, then you’ll need to intervene.


• Treat them equally. Try not to take sides – this can make them think you have favourites, which will only add to the problem!


• Let them see you getting on with others. This will give them a good example of how people can sort out disagreements through talking calmly rather than fighting.


• Praise them. Let them know you appreciate the effort they’re making when they’re getting along. Don’t just step in when they’re arguing, this will give them the idea that bad behaviour is a way of getting your attention.


• Teach them how to cooperate. Taking turns in games teaches them about cooperation, as does reaching compromises over playing with a particular toy and then swapping over do their brother or sister gets a turn.


• Remind them to talk through their problems. And if things do get too heated, make sure they know to ask an adult to help resolve the conflict.


• Encourage them to think of others. Ask them how they think their brother or sister is feeling, and what they would want if they were in their position. This will help them to empathise with others.


• Remain calm. Your tone of voice and actions will remind them that it’s not really such a big deal and will help them listen to you.